{"id":16303,"date":"2024-07-09T09:42:28","date_gmt":"2024-07-09T13:42:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/talkdeath.com\/?p=16303"},"modified":"2024-07-12T11:04:30","modified_gmt":"2024-07-12T15:04:30","slug":"picnics-with-the-dead-the-cemetery-as-a-third-place","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/talkdeath.com\/picnics-with-the-dead-the-cemetery-as-a-third-place\/","title":{"rendered":"Picnics with the Dead: The Cemetery as a Third Place"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cIf we valued fraternity as much as independence, and democracy as much as free enterprise, our zoning codes would not enforce the social isolation that plagues our modern neighborhoods, but would require some for of public gaterthing place every block or two.\u201d<\/i>– Ray Oldenburg<\/p>\n

\u201cForests may be gorgeous but there is nothing more alive than a tree that learns how to grow in a cemetery.\u201d<\/i>– Andrea Gibson<\/p>\n

We\u2019re broke and burnt out, with a forecast calling for more dissolution and disconnection. We inhabit an urban landscape of isolation, creating an \u2018epidemic of loneliness.\u2019 It\u2019s hard to live with a \u2018cost of living\u2019 this high, mounting pressure on folks for what it takes to get by, which infuses stress into time outside of work- colouring out connections, resources, and relationships. Where do we go to heal from this estrangement?<\/p>\n

You might have encountered think pieces, video essays, and articles detailing the link between loneliness and a lack of so-called third places–public parks, cafes, libraries. However, we\u2019ve noticed that less attention has been paid to cemeteries as potential third places. So we\u2019re here to ask- why not the cemetery?<\/p>\n

The Cemetery as a Third Place<\/h2>\n

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What is a Third Place?\u00a0<\/b><\/h3>\n

\"VVSI<\/a>Sociologists Ray Oldenburg and Karen Christensen argued that third places can address the disconnection caused by certain social structures. According to their model, the first place is your home, the second place is your place of work. A third place is decidedly neither–it is a place where you spend time when not at home or in a work setting. But a third place is not just<\/i> a place that isn\u2019t home or work. For a third place to be a third place, there are eight characteristics that should be fostered and found.<\/p>\n

8 Characteristics of a Third Place:<\/b><\/h4>\n
    \n
  1. Neutral ground<\/b>: \u201c…there must be neutral ground<\/i> upon which people may gather. There must be places where individuals may come and go as they please, in which none are required to play host, and in which all feel at home and comfortable.\u201d<\/li>\n
  2. Leveler<\/b>: \u201cA place that is a leveler is, by its nature, an inclusive place. It is accessible to the general public and does not set formal criteria of membership and exclusion.\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. Conversation is the Main Activity<\/b>: \u201cQuite unlike those corporate realms wherein status dictates who may speak, and when and how much, and who may use levity and against which targets, the third places draws in like manner from everyone there assembled.\u201d<\/li>\n
  4. Accessibility and Accommodation<\/b>: \u201cThird places must stand ready to serve people\u2019s needs for sociability and relaxation in the intervals before, between, and after their mandatory appearances elsewhere.\u201d<\/li>\n
  5. Regulars<\/b>: \u201cThe third place is just so much space unless the right people are there to make it come alive, and they are the regulars. It is the regulars, whatever their number on any given occasion, who feel at home in a place and set the tone of conviviality.\u201d<\/li>\n
  6. Low profile<\/b>: \u201cIn cultures where mass advertising prevails and appearance is valued over substance, the third place is all the more likely not to impress the uninitiated.\u201d<\/li>\n
  7. The Mood is Playful<\/b>: \u201cWhether pronounced or low key, however, the playful spirit is of utmost importance. Here joy and acceptance reign over anxiety and alienation.\u201d<\/li>\n
  8. A Home Away From Home<\/b>: \u201cThough a radically different kind of setting from the home, the third place is remarkably similar to a good home in the psychological comfort and support that it extends.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    For a place to qualify as a third place, it does not need to meet each of these characteristics perfectly, but it should check most boxes!<\/p>\n

    Third places are found throughout history and can vary greatly by culture, era, location, and inhabitants. Third places have been incredibly important for many social movements and organizing, including the American Civil Rights Movement.<\/p>\n

    Examples of contemporary third places include public parks, neighborhood pools, libraries, pubs, barber shops, community gardens, skate parks, cafes, game shops, religious centers, and public sport courts and centers. While these places and spaces seem self-evident, why are cemeteries rarely considered as a third place?<\/p>\n

    Why the Cemetery is a Third Place<\/b><\/h3>\n

    \"graceland<\/p>\n

    For certain cultures, like many Indigenous communities, their cemeteries are not meant as places for casual visitation. Other cemeteries may be closed to the public and not allow visitors apart from guests for active burials. Some cemeteries may have zero interest in being a third place for their communities, which is perfectly fine, while others might be actively working towards inhabiting that role.<\/p>\n

    During the 19th century in so-called America, it was fairly common for cemeteries to be treated like a form of a park, in part because of epidemics and lack of formal public parks as we know them today. Folks would have picnics, take strolls, and socialize with friends and neighbors, while maintaining the cemetery as a revered space.<\/p>\n

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    Image via Historic St. Luke’s<\/p><\/div>\n

    But this type of activity in a cemetery is far from historic. Many cemeteries<\/a> strive to welcome guests for socialization, relaxation, and meeting in informal but meaningful ways that agree with the role of a third place. Two such cemeteries are Laurel Hill Cemetery<\/b><\/a> in Philadelphia and Graceland Cemetery<\/b><\/a> in Chicago.<\/p>\n

    Jensen Allen<\/b>, Associate Director of Graceland Cemetery, shares how community members, including regulars, utilize their cemetery:<\/p>\n \u00a0\u201cWe envision the cemetery as a serene, safe, and peaceful environment to experience a range of activities such as walking together, jogging together, coming to have a picnic together or even just stopping by to read a book and enjoy nature outside of their normal environments\u2026Many people meet up for book clubs, regular passive exercise groups or even to come paint or take photos together.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>\n

    Cemeteries do not need programming to operate as a third place, but events, programming, and organization can help encourage community participation and solidify the cemetery as a potential third place location. Brittanie Sterner<\/b>, Public Programs Manager of Friends of Laurel Hill, expresses:<\/p>\n \u201cWhen the Friends of Laurel Hill create public programs, we try to channel the site\u2019s history as one of the first rural cemeteries. In the Victorian age rural cemeteries weren\u2019t just a site for death, they were social spaces brimming with life\u2014picnics, games, promenades. In that sense we try to activate the space as a public park, whether that\u2019s with youth and family programming, movie screenings, or live music\/theatre performances. Beyond making those social spaces accessible, we invite community members to meet and connect with one another in smaller, more intimate programs that hold space for reflection and dialogue around life\u2019s more difficult topics of loss and grief.\u201d <\/span>\n

    \"\"

    Friends of Laurel Hill concert series. Poster by Alexis Perrone<\/p><\/div>\n

    Programming can be a bridge to gather folks at a cemetery and establish the cemetery as neutral ground, where folks can come together to socialize and have conversations, where the setting of a cemetery can still be respected, and yet the discussion can have an air of warmth. For example, Allen says that \u201cThere is a sense of peace that comes with visiting a place you know is nearby where there is no judgment for any community and it is hard to explain to someone who hasn\u2019t visited cemeteries in this way \u2013 but once you experience it, we\u2019ve noticed that you keep coming back!\u201d<\/p>\n

    Oldenburg and Christensen argued \u201cthird places serve to expand possibilities, whereas formal associations tend to narrow and restrict them. Third places counter the tendency to be restrictive in the enjoyment of others by being open to all and by laying emphasis on qualities not confined to status distinctions current in the society.\u201d In this sense, the cemetery can be a place where social circles are expanded and it\u2019s easy to see how some cemeteries can offer this quality!<\/p>\n

    The cemetery as third place does not need to disagree with its other roles or responsibilities, such as being a place for reflection and reverence, instead it can be quite complimentary, should that align with the interests of the cemetery. Sterner offers:<\/p>\n \u201cWhether the approach is to create a recreational, relaxing atmosphere through social events, or address death head-on through practical workshops, death cafes and grief-centered programming, or provide educational experiences through history tours that help us to understand Philadelphia\u2019s past and those who came before us\u2014we hope to help cultivate a dialogue around mortality, and inspire a healthy curiosity that de-stigmatizes talking about and being in the presence of death. We hope people have fun here, learn something about themselves, one another, and the past, and leave with new questions.\u201d <\/span>\n

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    Visitors to Graceland Cemetery, via Graceland Cemetery Facebook<\/a>.<\/p><\/div>\n

    Accessibility and accommodation is an important, varied, and ongoing task and for cemeteries to meet needs they must be willing to listen and adapt. Allen suggests that:<\/p>\n \u201cFor cemeteries to remain relevant in today\u2019s fast paced world, they need to be places of comfort, care, education, and peace\/serenity.\u00a0 This can take many forms and the number one thing cemeteries, and their leadership, needs to keep in mind is that remaining relevant and existing for all of their years so far has taken the ability to mold and adapt to each new changing need(s) of generations and cultural shifts.\u00a0 Communities need to know that cemeteries will remain safe places for all as resources, kind faces, exploratory grounds, and cherished memories and sacred places for establishing or pondering one\u2019s own legacy and existence.\u00a0 The future of cemeteries relies on both the community and the cemetery leadership to remain open minded and experiment in respectful ways with what a cemetery could or should be without shaming anyone for their ideas or experiences.\u201d <\/span>\n

    Although it may not be one\u2019s first instinct, a cemetery can be a fruitful third place for its surrounding communities. As Sterner shares \u201cHopefully cemeteries can continue to be folded into the fabric of everyday public life, especially in cities where green spaces are becoming more and more difficult to protect. Why can\u2019t we share our picnics and lives with the dead?\u201d<\/p>\n

    Further Resources:<\/b><\/h4>\n